Write On

I find myself      shrinking working diligently     to minimize the space I occupy. I find my voice         growing softer painfully aware        no one was listening to begin with. I find my spine      curving my shoulders        caving inwards a stiffness in my neck      I can't remember having. I find my feet      dragging behind me unable to instill      the confident stride I held before you. I find my heart      growing harder it becomes      easier to ignore the pain      of muscle      turning to stone I find my laugh      growing shorter its tone becomes dull     until even I don't want to hear it. I find myself      looking at you wondering        if you feel this too. I find my light      growing dimmer no longer are people     drawn to its warmth. I find my love      fading until I forget      what it used to be until it feels      simply like a memory one I cling to one I think I should let go. I find mysel

“Morning smiles, like the fear of a newborn child, innocent unknowing. Winters’ end, promises of a long lost friend.” The haunting voice spills from the radio, reverberates inside my skull. My tongue feels swollen, sticking to the roof of my mouth as it chafes the sides of my cheeks. My head pounds mercilessly, beating in time to the rocky movements of the car. I pry my eyes open, the nerves screaming in pain and resentment. The world in front of me is out of focus, blurred around the edges, maintaining a dreamlike quality until I blink furiously. The dusty gray upholstery comes slowly into view. My arms ache, hands tied behind my back, the rope carving rings into my wrists. “Winter's end, promises of a long lost friend, speaks to me of comfort. But I fear, I have nothing to give. I have so much to lose.” A strangled moan escapes my lips, tears prickling my lifeless eyes. My legs, curled underneath my bound hands, cramp and burn with pain and sorrow. The haunting music turns to st

I have spent time in complete darkness before. I have never been      so afraid of the dark. I have never felt more  alone. I have heard    stories of dying. It is often romanticized   to us there’s a   bright light and you are   filled with warmth. I have spent   too much time in total   darkness to believe   that’s true. I have never seen    less light. I have never been   so cold. It is often hoped that in death we will see   those we    loved again. there is a reunion of the souls that have been     lost to you for too long. I have spent  enough time in my own     darkness to know that’s true. even in the dark I was burning   from the inside out but still so cold. they told me if I go with them it won’t hurt   anymore. I so badly   wanted to stop   hurting. I so badly   wanted to go. I try not to tell my story of d

As a child I would rip     the petals from a flower  I tore from the ground    asking as each color fell     does he love me?     Does he love me not? holding my breath    as if I didn’t know the answer. I would make    a wish everytime      I saw the first star   light the sky        wish I may        wish I might closing my eyes and crossing my fingers    as if somebody     was really listening   this time. I would sidestep   each crack in the sidewalk on the days I liked my Mom and find extra   on the days      I didn’t as much. as if my little feet  could have taken down such a powerful woman I would lift up   my legs when we drove over bridges  and hold my breath when we drove under them      as if my small acts of bravery would keep us safe things happened anyway. on my 14th birthday    I wished I could be  a  movie star before my 15th my entire world    

Not ever. I never thought   space would be this     empty for years when I looked up I saw a sky full of light   warm and   round. when night fell it was even more     magical. at night, the light danced. I thought the stars were closer. I never thought   space would be this     lonely. I had dreams of flying among universes of dancing on a moonbeam of tumbling along Saturn’s rings in those dreams I was never  alone I thought I would have     someone to dance with. I never thought   space would be this     cold I had nightmares of flying too close to the sun of melting into Mercury of falling through the sky in those nightmares  I burned. I never thought I would be afraid of freezing.