So Glad You Remember

It was unbelievably bright. Trapped in this room full of harsh, empty light. The distinct beeping of the machines surrounding me cut through the foggy buzzing in my head. My eyes felt so heavy, as I frantically glanced around, trying to remember where I was. As I tried to move my arms, I found myself strapped to a bed, unable to move. As I see the IV tube stuck in my arm, the blood rushes from my skin, my body turns a ghostly white. I panic, thrashing and fighting through the fog clouding my head. The beeping accelerates, as does my breathing, as fear pulses through my veins. I hear a door slide open, and the soft, gentle voice of a woman- “Casey? Casey? Casey it’s Dr. June. I need you to try and be still okay? I don’t want to give you anything else, I need you awake!” Dr. June’s kind eyes meet mine, and I do my best to settle my breathing to a natural pace. I flex my hands, feel my fingernails dig into my palms.

“Casey? Who’s Casey?” I frantically ask Dr. June, and her eyes widen slightly, before pasting a smile on her face.

“I’m sorry, I must have read the wrong chart! What’s your name sweetie?” Dr. June’s smile wavers, as she searches my face carefully. I searched my mind desperately, for any glimmer of truth, any hint of who I could be.

“I...I...I, ” the words stammered from my lips. Choking back tears, I thrashed at the bindings gripping me to the bed in a frenzied attempt to free my fears. Dr. June rushes to my side,

“Please I need you to calm down. Miss please!” I keep thrashing, until a needle slip into my arm. My world goes fuzzy, and fades to black. I fight my way back to the surface.

When my eyes open the second time, I am greeted by a different face. “Hello miss, my name is Dr. Louis. I hope you’re alright with me having a chat with you.” You didn’t have to be an expert to detect the hint of superiority in this man’s voice. Everything about him exuded confidence, and it only made me wish I could slap the smug smile off his face. I stared defiantly, craving the comfort that sleep had brought me.

“Now, miss, uh, I’m sorry, what is your name again?” Dr. Louis gave me a calculated look.

“I assumed that was why you’re here,” I replied with false sincerity, “Because I have absolutely no idea.” Dr. Louis continues to stare.

“Well then, miss, let’s review what the hospital has learned about you. You were found lying on the side of the highway, in the middle of Death Valley. Surprisingly, your hydration level was normal, but you were severely malnourished. Based on your height of five foot seven, dental compressions, and development, we approximate your age to be between nineteen and twenty three.” Dr. Louis finishes with a flourish, and looks up expectantly.

“I’m sorry, am I supposed to be impressed?” I exclaim, the bewilderment dripping off my words.

“Well, miss, I know that this is more than we hoped to have-” I cut the fool off.

“I woke up, in this place, strapped to a bed. I have no idea who I am! Your approximation of my age does very little to help me!”

Dr. Louis sputters, struggling to find words. “Miss, I-I-”

“I AM NOT ANYONE! I have no personality, no memories! I have no idea if I have a family looking for me, if I’m even anything special. I don’t have an identity! Can you tell me, Dr. Louis, if I used to sing? Was I an athlete, or a brainiac? Did I spend my days crying, trying to figure out who I was when I was a least something!”

“Miss you really don’t need to yell-”

My voice climbs in intensity, fueled by my heartache. “Can you tell me if I had a happy childhood? Did my father teach me to ride a bike, throw a ball? Maybe I could have danced. Can you fill in these empty years and lost moments with my dental compressions and development?!” Dr. Louis stares, utterly bewildered by my outburst.

“Well, your jawline and cheekbones suggest European descent, and your blue eyes, a submissive trait, means your parents would both be carriers. In addition to that, you have a rare blood type, AB positive, which should lend a significant hand in discovering your identity-”

“Have I ever been loved? Did I hold hands with a boy who whispered my name in his sleep?” I feel the tears of frustration streaming down my face. Dr. Louis stands to leave. “Wait!” I scream at his back, hysterical over being left alone. “Can you please take me out of these restraints?” Dr. Louis’ face falls, sympathy in his eyes. He crosses the room, taking my hand while he speaks.

“Miss, you can’t be trusted. You scratched yourself, and quite a few doctors, so badly they needed stitches.” He points to my arms, and I glance down. Long, jagged lines cover my pale skin, traveling up my entire arm. I sink to the pillows, exhausted, tears prickling behind my eyes. I can’t fight anymore. That seems to be what got me into this mess in the first place. I lock eyes with Dr. Louis for the first time, words straining from my throat,

“P-p-please don’t go. I’m so scared. What if I never remember?” Dr. Louis grabs hold of my hand, sinking back into his chair.

“We will find out who you are. I promise you that. We won’t let anybody hurt you again. Do you understand, miss, um-”

“Clara.” Dr. Louis mirrors the shock I feel in my features. My entire body freezes, every hair on my neck standing at attention. “Th-th-they called me Clara!” As soon as the words leave my lips, the heavy door to my room slides open, two strangers on the other side.

Dr. Louis stands up protectively, shielding my body from the newcomers. I grip his hand more tightly, fearing the menacing presence these men have. They look like they are straight out of a comic book; black suits, dark ties, piercing grey eyes frantically searching mine.

“Clara Doyle?” The younger blonde one speaks first, and in comparison to his alarming appearance, his voice is gentle, kindhearted.

Dr. Louis finds his voice “And what do you think you’re doing? This young woman is extremely distressed, and is in no way fit for visitors.” The young man flashes the doctor a badge. My heart is stuck in my throat.

“Sir, we’re FBI, and this young woman is a prime witness in a highly classified investigation.” At the word investigation, a gruesome image flares in my mind; a man and a woman, a crimson puddle spreading beneath them.

“Jack?!” His name spills from my mouth, unprecedented and without warning. The blonde agent rushes to my side, forcing the doctor out of the way.

Jack clutches my hand, brushing tears from my eyes and whispers in my ear.“Clara it’s me. I’m right here.” He turns to Dr. Louis, anger clenching his jaw firmly together “Has she remembered anything else?” Dr. Louis throws his hands up in frustration.

“Before you two burst through the door, all she could remember was her name. And even that took us days to learn!” Jack’s partner, who doesn’t emerge in any way from the darkness swirling in my mind, grabs the doctor and leads him from the room.

“I’m agent Monroe. Why don’t you tell me everything you know, sound good?” The door swings shut with a thud behind them. Jack turns to me, compassion sparkling in his now kind eyes.

“Clara, do you remember anything else? Anything at all that comes to mind?” He looks at me expectantly.

“N-nn-no! I don’t even know why I know you! But when you spoke I just- I just felt so much all at once. Can you help me? Please?” My voice sounds so helpless. Jack brushes the hair from my face.

“Well, Clara, you’ve been in protection for almost five years. Your father was an extremely influential cult leader, Ellis Doyle. He was under suspicion of numerous murders, including many of his cult members. When you tried to escape from him, he killed your mother, Erin Doyle. You went back to save her, but you were too late. According to the report you gave us, your father was standing over her body. He was fighting with a man, whose identity is still unknown, but he got away. Your father escaped by killing this John Doe, and he’s been after you ever since.” Jack stares at me, trying to gauge the emotions playing across my face.

“Okay. So my father was a maniac, he killed my mother, some guy I don’t know, and he’s tried to kill me?” I shake my head, trying to clear the fog invading my brain. “So- how did I end up here?”

Jack leans back, sighing heavily. “Well, like I said, you have been in protection for years, from the time you were eighteen, until now, at twenty three. Recently, your protection detail lost you while you dropped our daughter off at school-”

“I’m sorry- our what?!” I exclaim, and Jack’s eyes reveal he’s said too much. “What’s her name?!”

“Annabelle.” Jack smiles, and pulls out a picture of a beautiful, smiling, blue-eyed little girl. “She’s three. We’ve been...married for four years.” Tears stream down my face.

“Jack, I can’t remember my own daughter! Or the man I’ve been married to for four years.” I sob hysterically, unable to control the shake in my shoulders. As I bury my head in his chest, I hear a distinctive click echo in the room. Jack’s shoulders tense, and he turns, facing down the barrel of a gun. A man, creased with age, stands with Monroe’s body hanging from his free hand.

“Clara! How nice to see you again.” The gun goes off, and Jack clatters to the ground. The man’s yellow teeth peek from his lips as I cry out. “Don’t worry darling, he isn’t dead. Simply in an enormous amount of pain.” His smile widens, and his eyes pierce mine. “How’s about we go for a little ride, hmm?” My body seizes as recognition flashes through my mind,

“Dad?” His face lights with cynical joy.

“So glad you remember.”

A needle slips into my arm. My world fades to black.