Waking up.

For so long,
I could only hear
the screaming.
it rang in my ears
filling my head with noise
from dawn to dusk

When night fell,
the screams fell away too.
when the screams stopped
    only silence.

I couldn't decide
      which one
was worse.

it became madness
every time light broke
so would the silence
I never needed
an alarm clock.

when they would fade
I sometimes
found myself
missing them.
at least with
the screaming,
I couldn't hear the sorrow.

nights brought far too much
quiet.
left me too much
time
to hear the sadness
beating
in my chest.

Without them, I felt
emptier.
Like a part of me
    was waiting
to be filled.

For far too long,
I lived with them
they drowned out
   the noise
of my struggling existence.

For far too long,
I welcomed them.
they became a friend
who could never
leave me
behind.

Once, I asked them
       to stop.
They only screamed
    louder.

For far too long,
I gave up
I gave in
I was numb.

Once, I overslept.
Woke up in a
panic, fearful
of how quiet it was.

The screams stopped.
    only silence left.

I did not feel
empty.

I was filled with love
      hope
      joy

For far too long,
I was afraid
of my own mind.

There is no more noise,
   because I have
     stopped struggling.

Happiness beats
in my chest.

I am not afraid.
I wake to an alarm
    every morning.
  And I smile.